I have finally realised why I haven’t been totally lucky in love and what it is I am looking for. It turns out the blame lies solely with my love of literature, Sex and the City, rom coms and dramas.
You may be puzzled and wonder how this can be the case, but, it only dawned on me whilst watching the last episode of Mistresses that I just love my romantic life to be a drama. I loved it when Siobhan and Dom finally got together, what I loved more was that it hadn’t been easy. They had an affair (much of which appeared to take place in a stationary cupboard) whilst she was married, she got pregnant with Doms child, her husband left, Dom married somebody else and then finally, finally when I could barely take anymore they realised they should be together. Now that to me is how a romance should be, heady, dramatic, and fraught.
Look at all the great loves. For example, Cinderella, no just meeting at a party and getting together for her and Prince Charming, no there had to be a ball, a lost shoe and the ugly sisters to contend with. Romeo and Juliet, fair enough it’s a bit extreme that you have to end up dead for love, but a great romance never the less. One of my all time favourite romantic pairings Cathy and Heathcliffe (again she died), but the bit I think is great about the story is that Heathcliffe is so traumatised by this he never gets over it. Again, I’m not saying that when I meet the one that if I die I want him to dig my body up, but it’s the passion and all consuming love that I like the idea of.
It was whilst reflecting on this that I realised that for all my protesting that I’m not a romantic, I obviously am. All the great romances in my life have never run smoothly and as much as I sometimes think I want a quiet life, a simple romance, meet, get on great, fall in love, live happily ever after. The end. In reality when I meet people who fit that bill I start wondering why there isn’t any drama and to my shame, and very often to my detriment then cause some drama.
I think my point is proven that to date the most all consuming love of my life has been with a man who was emotionally unstable, had a temper that would compete with Gordon Ramsey’s and felt that regularly screaming at each other was a normal way to resolve things. Now I won’t say that this relationship was easy, and I’ll admit I spent a lot of it upset, but as exhausting as it was it was far more exciting than spending every night sitting on the sofa watching Eastenders.
Since those days I have calmed down a bit and don’t think I could cope with a relationship of such bi-polar highs and lows, but I have also come to accept the fact that I like drama, a man with a little fire in his belly (even if it does sometimes result in arguments of proportions not seen since the days of Angie and Den Watts in Eastenders).
So, now I have accepted my love of drama and passion. I am going to stop trying to date stable men and keep waiting for the man who gives me butterflies in my belly, the one who makes me say (and I quote The Wedding Date) “I’d rather fight with you, than make love with anybody else” and accept that as Carrie Bradshaw (she of possibly the most turbulent on/off romantic tale of modern times) says “Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with." See I am a romantic really.