Well followers hell must have frozen over as I am writing this blog to announce I am getting married. Yes me, getting married. I never thought I would see the day. Now don’t get me wrong this is not because I never thought anybody would want to marry me (I’m a confident , independent lady, I never doubted that somebody out there would be brave enough to take on the challenge of taming me).
No, the shock comes as I never in a million years believed I would find anybody that I would want to marry. I couldn’t quite fathom why anybody would want to commit to one person forever. I always believed that I would end up with somebody long-term but the idea of marriage was enough to bring me out in a rash and possibly make me hyperventilate in the same way a claustrophobic would if locked in a cupboard. Marriage signified to me, trapped.
Obviously this feeling had started to change as whilst I hadn’t spent months dreaming about ‘the big day’ or walking down the aisle, the thought of being with the journalist forever and ever certainly didn’t seem so scary as forever previously had.
It was lucky that I had started to feel this change as a few days before Christmas the journalist took it upon himself and surprised me with a romantic proposal. It was amazing, public, exciting and unexpected. Even better the ring was present, beautiful and everything I wanted it to be (the ring is vitally important when you consider I will be wearing until death do us part).
I did wonder whether things would change once we were engaged and after the initial phase of thinking about how my new name would sound and having to silence people with their questions on whether my stance on having children had changed (jeez some people just don’t know how to let you enjoy the moment) I have had some time to reflect and say yes it does. It changes things. Not to the outside world and not even in the most obvious ways.
Now I know some of you romantic types will want me to say that since the proposal I have felt that I have found what I needed to complete me, but I won’t as that would be a big fat lie. I always felt pretty complete on my own and I think that is partly what appealed to him. I don’t feel that we are two sides of the same coin or that I have now found what has been missing from my life but it does feel different, both exciting and scary.
It is an odd but lovely feeling knowing that we’ve decided to be together forever and not just by saying it to each other but planning to declare it to the whole world (well in front of family and friends). I also think it has made us closer, I guess we both now know that it is real and that we love each other despite him knowing that I am not a morning person, I’m messy and can on occasion can put even the biggest diva to shame and that I’m prepared to say forever to him even though he is always late, wears bad trainers and treats his dog like a human (something some of you will think is wonderful but I find weird and amusing in equal measure).
Other things that feel bizarre and not in a romantic lovey dovey sense are knowing that in a few months time when doing surveys I will have to tick the married box and that when men try and chat me up (I assume this will still happen now I am engaged) I don’t have to quickly take a ring from another finger and pretend it is an engagement ring, as I’ve got one.
In other ways it is quite scary as it makes me feel like a grown up (yes I know I am nearly 35 but still I am 17 at heart and I am not sure 17 year olds marry 43 year olds). It’s also scary as you wonder will things change, we both think not as we agree the whole reason we are getting married is to declare that we like each other just the way we are thank you. The only change will be that when I get home steaming drunk from a night with the girls he’ll be there to help me get up the stairs and if he comes home cold from cricket or with a pulled muscle I’ll be there to make him a coffee or run him a bath.
As Carrie Bradshaw once said and something I always believed “Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.” And the fact I have found my somebody to run with is possibly the best thing of all about getting engaged.